28 de febrero de 2008

Viaje a la calle del recuerdo

Seguramente tienes muy buenos recuerdos de tu infancia. ¿No es así?

¿Cómo olvidar esa época más inocente? Esos días en los que te pasabas la tarde jugando con tus amigos, sin preocuparte por la economía o que dentro de pocos años la tierra se calentará tanto que moriremos lenta y dolorosamente cocinados en nuestros propios jugos y las cucarachas se comerán nuestros cadáveres.

Sin duda tu infancia está llena de recuerdos en los que te refugias para olvidarte de que ser adulto es un asco. Tanto, que quizás no te acuerdas que en realidad tienes una amplia variedad de malos recuerdos de tu niñez

Naturalmente, si quisiera sacar a flote esos recuerdos tendría que concentrarme en todas esas ocasiones en que "los niños malos" te molestaron a la hora de recreo.

Escuela primaria
Welcome to the jungle!

¿Cómo sé que te molestaron? Vamos, estás leyendo un blog y es casi seguro que tengas un blog propio. ¿Quieres más evidencia?

Tan sólo pensar en todos esos recreos en los que mientras los demás niños jugaban entre si, tu te la pasaste huyendo de "los niños malos" que te cazaban como si fueras un animal. Eso sí, te daban una muy deportiva ventaja de diez segundo para que corrieras como una nena.

Para casi todos, este sufrimiento no terminó sino hasta entrar a la universidad, cuando súbitamente estudiar tenía sentido y no era nada más un pretexto para visitar a tu novia y hacer cositas con el pretexto de que no pueden ser interrumpidos mientras estudian.

Si tienes cierta edad, tus padres hicieron exactamente lo mismo. Así que aunque veían tu letrero de "No molestar - Estudiando" colgado en la puerta de tu habitación, ellos saben perfectamente qué estabas haciendo, pero no abrían la puerta porque a ellos una vez los sorprendieron con las manos en la masa, y quisiera que eso sólo fuera en sentido figurado, y desde entonces su apetito sexual se vio negativamente afectado.

Que de algún modo está relacionado con que eres hijo único.

Escuela preparatoria
Welcome to the jungle!

Para otros, el sufrimiento no termino y la universidad no fue más que "Preparatoria: vol. II". En donde "los niños malos" siguen siendo malos, las chicas buenas siguen siendo muñecas inflables ambulantes para "los niños malos", los nerds siguen refugiándose en la biblioteca y todo mundo se burla de los emos, goths, darks y aficionados al rock progresivo.

Si ese es tu caso, lo siento, pero tu vida apesta.

"Los niños malos" en la primaria eran capaces de todo acto ruin y despreciable que cruce tu imaginación severamente deteriorada por desvelarte viendo televisión. Podían desde golpearte para quitarte dinero, hasta golpearte sin tomar tu dinero.

Consejo pro: No les recuerdes que no te han quitado tu dinero después de que te golpearon. Si olvidaron quitártelo, es probable que ya hayan olvidado que te golpearon y te golpeen de nuevo sólo para estar seguros de que no olvidan nada esta vez.

El consuelo que todos los niños abusados en la primaria tienen es que:
Un niño nerd = Un adulto rico.

Puedes estar seguro de que el trasero de Bill Gates fue pateado tan frecuentemente como un balón de fútbol soccer en la primaria y mira donde está. Es uno de los hombres más ricos y poderosos del mundo. Todos los que sabemos algo de computadoras además de "usar metroflog", "buscar porno" y "bajar música gratis" deseamos patearle el trasero hasta que nuestras piernas se nos caigan y nuestras caderas queden inservibles.

Gates graduándose
Esto es éxito, que como podrán ver, no es sinónimo de "verse bien".

Desafortunadamente, si no eras nerd y de todos modos te molestaban, esta ecuación no aplica.

Si este es tu caso, los siento, pero tu vida apesta.

En el lado positivo de las cosas, "los niños malos" tarde o temprano reciben su castigo. Terminarán en la cárcel, muertos en una borrachera, mendigando en las calles, probando el elástico en la línea de producción de una fábrica de calzoncillos, o trabajando en el gobierno.

Opcionalmente puede que aprendan a tocar la guitarra, formen una banda de hair metal, se vuelvan ricos y famosos, aparezcan en televisión, tengan un ejercito de groupies a su disposición, y se dediquen a inhalar cocaína directamente del ombligo de alguna supermodelo antes de morir de una sobredosis de antidepresivos.

Pero ya no estamos en la década de los 80's, así que no tenemos que preocuparnos de que eso ocurra otra vez.

En el futuro "los niños malos" golpearan a tus hijos en un mundo completamente virtual. Ssistirán a una ciber-primaria y les quitaran su ciber-dinero para su ciber-comida en el ciber-patio que sirve para jugar ciber-fag-ball (el nuevo nombre oficial de lo que ahora conocemos como fútbol soccer).

Oh, sí. Apenas puedo esperar para ver eso.

Estribillo

If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew (Chicane - No Ordinary Morning)


Esta canción apareció en el álbum Behind the Sun del 2000. Hace menos de un mes que la escuche por primera vez. Esto es, 8 años en los que no disfruté de ella.


Escuchando...
Jurassic 5 - Concrete Schoolyard

114 comentarios:

  1. Bueno, me has pillado en tus conclusiones, pero hay mucha razón en lo que mencionas acerca de la gente generando sus propios contenidos. Esto es algo que debe madurar aún pero, si sabemos defender la libertad de expresión en Internet, se podrán hacer muchos cambios desde dicho ángulo.

    Bueno a mi me molestaron moderadamente jajaja.... ahhhhh justamente el sábado pasado volví a entrar a mi primaria después de 11 años, así que esa hora estuvo llena de recuerdos. Muchos recuerdos.

    Saludos!

    ResponderEliminar
  2. Hace poco di clases en la primaria donde estuve, muchos recuerdos. Más porque hubo un tiempo en que era más o menos la autora intelectual de todos los ataques a las niñas de grados anteriores jajaja una especie de padrino de 11 años...

    ResponderEliminar
  3. A mi lo que más que encabrona(ba) es que como regla general, las chavas con las que quería, suspiraban por los "niños malos", y ps siendo un ñoño nerdzaso, ps eso resulta bastante frustrante.


    Ja!!

    Pero después de unos años, esas chavas ya no están tan guapas ni jóvenes, como que ya no les late tanto que sus weyes las traten como pinches tapetes, y cuando se acaban convenciendo de que el susodicho niño malo nunca les propondrá matrimonio, les toca frsutrarse a ellas ñaca ñaca.

    (chale, proyecté mi ardidez bien cabrón en este post)

    ..será que mi vida apesta??.


    :p

    ResponderEliminar
  4. Cielos! No te fue bien en la infancia y no se ha terminado... verdad?

    ya veo por que dices que odias tu profesion...

    Bueno, no te fijes, tenia que comentar algo!! Saludos!!

    ResponderEliminar
  5. Por todos lados y por siempre habra "niños malos" pero hay que saber enfrentarlos.
    Un beso

    ResponderEliminar
  6. mmm yo no era nerd solo era freak, asi como antisocial, antes no me importaba y ahora tampoco :P

    ResponderEliminar
  7. mmm que interesante.... en qué lugar me ubicaba yo?
    No era de las que atacaba niños por gusto o por no gusto...ni era la victima de los que lo hacian... yo era la que permanecía fuera de todo... mirando desde un angulo importante todo lo que pasaba... miraba, no actuaba... ni me importaba jajaja
    Era rara...
    Era freak, como dice niña incubus...

    Saludos

    Claudia!

    ResponderEliminar
  8. Todo iba bien asta lo del éxito=dinero suena muy comercial hahahaha, pero bueno yo fui abusado y abursador a huevo i am bully hahahhahahahaha todo era tan simple como la cadena alimenticia.

    ResponderEliminar
  9. Ahhh si esos recuerdossss...

    Cada que vienen a mi mente, lloro

    JAJAJA NOCIERTO

    ResponderEliminar
  10. los niños malos son esos que siempre van a encontrarte un apodo nefasto con el cual arruinarte la vida.
    El lado positivo de las cosas es q nunca te olvidarán.
    jajajajaja
    besos!

    ResponderEliminar
  11. o sea que eramos bien lelos en la primaria y por eso tenemos un blog... jaja...

    ResponderEliminar
  12. Jeje, a todo mundo nos pueden molestar, de una u otra forma, incluso a los "niños malos" como decirles que su deficit de atencion o que sus papás los ignoren es lo que provoca que te golpeen, touche! jaja, pero yo mejor me concentro en los buenos recuerdos

    ResponderEliminar
  13. Pues... no. Yo no tengo buenos recuerdos de mi infancia.

    Fue dura y me pasó la factura hace poco.

    No he salido adelante y sigo estancada.

    Ni hablar... no a todos los cerebritos les va bien en la vida.

    ResponderEliminar
  14. Yo era de esos que molestaban a niños. Sobre todo en la prepa. Eso significa que no seré rico ni existoso. Boo. De haber sabido... =/

    ResponderEliminar
  15. Ja.
    Si me pide remembrar haría falta más que imaginación y seguro resultaría una ensalada agridulce.
    Buen blog.
    Saludos!

    ResponderEliminar
  16. jajaja

    otro buen post como siempre =), quisiera escribir tanto como tú, pero soy de pocas palabras... =S...

    saludos n_n

    ResponderEliminar
  17. Si, la infancia era la onda, de plano muy buenos recuerdos!!!

    Sigamos siendo niños todos. jejeje.

    ResponderEliminar
  18. MMMM casi nunk me golpearon, en cambio a veces yo golpeaba, no era un niño malo, pero tampoco era un nerd, aunque puedo presumir de haber participado en la olimpiada del conocimiento :D

    Salu2

    ResponderEliminar
  19. Serguei: Es una señal de los tiempos. Adaptarse nunca es fácil.

    Estella: Oh Dios. No sé porque de repente me dio miedo...

    Yaoteka: :D Increible pero cierto.

    Beatriz Deckard: Pues no, en realidad siempre fui demasiado solitario como para que eso me tocara. Y odio mi profesión por razones diferentes.

    Hot Woman: Oh sí. Hacer lo que David a Goliath. Abrirles la cabeza de una pedrada.

    Niña Incubus: Eh, más o menos ese es mi caso.

    Claudia: Bienvenida al club.

    Dacrux: Sí, de eso se trata. En la secundaria me dedique a ser odioso.

    Luthien: Vaya.

    Drama Queen: Es un recuerdo que conservarán para siempre en sus malvados corazones.

    Alice: Puede ser, es una teoría mía.

    Marcelita: Mira que eso sí es malvado.

    Pequeño Saltamontes: Ahora, así es exactamente como me siento.

    Matanguero: ¡Ja! In your face!

    Mujer del Traje Gris: Recordar es imaginar lo que creemos que pasó.

    Cris: Así está bien. De hecho, creo que por eso me gusta tu blog :P

    Blackeagle-Italiano: ¿Volver ala infancia? Paso.

    Da Lizard: Es que eres bieeen raro. Bienvenido al club, por cierto.

    ResponderEliminar
  20. No recuerdo especificamente ua violencia directa o dolorosa, pero si recuedo planirficaciones a mis espaldas entre cursos enteros, para pegarme. Por suerte, siempre zafé, y siempre me rei. Mi violencia, no era fisica justamente, pero soy conciente del mal emocional que les causaba a todos con mis constantes bromas dede el ultimo banco, me divertía muchisimo en la escuela, solo por supuesto.

    ResponderEliminar
  21. mmmm me awité...
    jajajajajajajaja

    ResponderEliminar
  22. Emmanuel Perèt: Pero claro. A final de cuentas, en la primaria todos nos divertimos a nuestro modo.

    .... : Si fue por la foto de Bill Gates, ni modo, el tipo es feo.

    ResponderEliminar
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